Just got a mail chock-full of cool rejected senshi- so full, in fact, that it deserves its own page!
[All errors are sic, just so y'all know.]
Literature Senshi:
"I am Sailor JRR Tolkien, leader of the literature senshi, and in the name of hobbits, wizards, the One Ring of Power, and a psycho elf lady with a mirror, I will punish you properly. SMAUG SMOKE BOMBS!"
"I am Sailor JK Rowling, and I'm so the brains of this outfit. In the name of cute boys with broken glasses, welfare moms, and Quidditch, I will make you think I'm cute and fluffy, and then...SOMEBODY DIES! ::maniacal laughter:: Anyways, I will purge you of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! FIREBOLT FLARE! ::hits youma with a broomstick:: "
"I am Sailor Danielle Steele, the hopeless romantic, and in the name of trapped women, ignoring husbands, and angst filled romance, I will use my proper-ness to punish you for your wrong doings. SUNSET IN SAINT TROPEZ!"
"I am Sailor Earnest Hemmingway, and in the names of suicide, depression, and utter calamity, I will punish you severly. BELL TOLL BASH!"
"I am Sailor Lewis Carrol, and I will be generally crazy in the name of Wonderland! TWEEDLEDEE AND TWEEDLEDUM TWINKLEYS!"
"I am Sailor Vergil, and in the name of my beloved Rome, I shall bore you to death with the tale of Aneas, which is just a copy of The Oddessy, but no one cares because Rome is better! ANEID ANGERED ARISING!"
"I am Sailor Shakespeare, and in the name of really long plays, I shall look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under 't because all the world's a stage! MACBETH MENTAL INSANITY!"
"I am Sailor George Orwell, and my civilian name is Eric Blair. In the name of talking animals, political satire, and 1984, I shall question everything you thought you knew. SNOWBALL SMASHER!"
"I am Sailor SE Hinton, and I will make you cry with my dreamy, angst filled heroes and their crazy mixed up lives in the slums of Oaklahoma big cities. Pity the victims of environment! JOHNNYCAKE SUICIDAL FERVOR!"
"The last of the Literature Senshi, I am Sailor Edgar Allan Poe! You fancy me mad? Object there is none. Passion there is none. I have no clue why I'm even here, but in the name of talking birds, Annabell Lee, Lenore, a dead guy's heart, a flask of Amontillado, the pit, and the pendelum, I shall be depressing, scary, drunk, and oh so lovably goth. FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER!"
[Sailor Freak says: I get the impression someone needed a break from Lit exams... ^_^]
High School Lable Senshi:
"I'm like so totally the like leader of the High School Lable Senshi, the totally cute, totally POP-ularrr, SAILOR CHEERLEADER! And in the name of my adorability and pretty pom-poms, I will make you jump for joy! C'mon! TWO, FOUR, SIX, EIGHT...."
"I am Sailor Cheerleader's BFF, the totally cool, SAILOR PREP! In the name of cool makeup, heel shoes, and those super cute jeans from DKNY, I will like totally bash your reputation with stupid rumors! PREPPY COLOR COORIDNATION!"
"I do not like my position on this team because I am the spiteful, the dark, and the very scary, Sailor Goth! Out of spite I will put bombs on your tires, and then listen to CDs and pretend not to notice anything. Then maybe go shopping at Hot Topic. POINTY OBJECT PUMMEL!"
"I love being on this team, especially because of Sailor Cheerleader and Sailor Prep. Why? Because I'm Sailor Poseur, duh?! In the name of my futile attempts at being popular, I will- ohmigawd! I BROKE A NAIL! ::wallows in self pity:: "
"I'm kind of insecure here and unsure about this whole thing, as I am the pocket protector loving, Sailor Geek. ph33r m3 for my l33t sk1llz can do much damage....when I want them to. DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS DEMON DEATH MATCH!"
"I am the pacifist of the team, Sailor Hippie. Yeah, peace and love, man! Totally...wanna get high?"
"I am the brains behind this outfit, Sailor Future Buisiness Executive! NEW YORK TIMES NEFARIOUS SMASHING!"
"I'm the creative one here, and I'm usually found in the art studio: Sailor Starving Artist! I like my paintbrushes and my artsy stuff. ARTSY FARTSY PAINT STAINS BLAST!"
"I am so mellodramatic and I can accuratley quote Shakespeare to save not only my life, but the lives of all the people I hate. For sooth, I am Sailor Actress. SHAKESPEARE SMASHING!"
"I'm Sailor Sk8er, and I ::heart:: Avril Lavigne! 'Why'd ya have to go and make things so complicated....'"
"GAH I HATE ALL OF YOU! AGH! NONE OF YOU HAVE A SPINE! JUST KILL THE YOUMA ALREADY AND STOP TELLING IT TO COORIDINATE IT'S COLORS! And Sailor Sk8er, YOU CAN STOP TRYING TO BE ME! I'm SAILOR PUNK! THE ORIGINAL! THE ONE AND ONLY! GAH!!! JUST KILL IT ALREADY! I HAVE A PROTEST TO GET TO!"
"Yo yo yo, word up to mah homies and mah gurrrrrls. This is Sailah Ghetto, coming to ya from dis joint! I'm gonna get MAH FREAK ON tonight! Back me up now, homegurlz!"
"yeeeeeee.......I'm Sailor Raver, and I'll punish you in the name of loud music, making out, leather, and E. oh yeah....and the freedom to have neon hair. KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"I am the ever elusive protector of the High School Lable Senshi, and I'm so Sailor Cheerleader's boyfriend, for I am...JOCK KAMEN!"
Politician Senshi:
"I was the president, and I was accused of having numerous affairs, but I'm really out to protect you, my fellow Americans, for I am Sailor Bill Clinton, and these are my sidekicks, Sailor Al Gore and Sailor Monica Lewinsky. ::gets beaten by Sailor Hilary Clinton::"
"I was the vice president, and Dubya cheated me out of my presidency! I'm Sailor Al Gore, and I DEMAND A RECOUNT!"
"I'm the president, despite the fact that I was a drunken disgrace when I was younger...guess it runs in the family. No, Jenna, drop the alcohol! sorry... In the names of those who died on 9/11, fighting terrorism, choking on pretzels, and three billion dollar tax cuts, I will protect the United States, for I am Sailor George W. Bush, but you can call me DUBYA! GO TEXAS! WHOO! ::chokes on a pretzel:: ."
"I'm the vice president, and I will continue to fight terrorism despite my heart problems, and Eminem can shove what he said about me in Without Me, because I'm Sailor Dick Cheney!"
"I am the totally meaningless, or at least unheard, link in the Bush Administration chain. MAD Magazine compared me to Mace Windu from Star Wars, because I'm Sailor Colin Powell! Mister President, we don't have enough support in the Middle East to even think about attacking Iraq! Mister President? Mister President, are you even listening to me?!"
"I am believed by many to be totally brainless, but I still advise the president. I'm Sailor John Ashcroft, and civil liberties threaten our freedom!"
Sailor Alan Greenspan: ::scowls::
Austin Powers Senshi:
"I'm Sailor Austin Powers, and it freaks me out, baby!"
"I'm Sailor Vanessa Kensington, and I'm really a fembot, but in the meantime I'll teach you all about being proper in the ninties and the beauty of monogamy."
"I'm Sailor Doctor Evil, and you can zzzzzzip it!"
"I'm Sailor Number Two, and I like Starbucks, but I still haven't gotten on that cover of Forbes!"
"I'm Sailor Frau Frau Bissinah, and I am meant to serve you, Heir Docter."
"I'm Sailor Scott Evil, and I'm never good enough for you, am I? And look what your little...Mini You put in my bed! ::holds up giant roadkilled skunk of doom:: I'm not going to work in an evil petting zoo! GOD!"
"I'm Sailor Felicity Shagwell. Shagwell by name; shag very well by reputation."
Sailor Mini Me: ::flicks off the camera::
"I'm Sailor Foxxy Celopatra and you still haven't called me back, sugah."
"I'm Sailor Fat B@stard, and I am exceedingly irritable. I hail from the land of bagpipes and Braveheart. SUBWAY! Eat fresh!"
"I'm Sailor Goldmember, and I am from Holland. Ishn't dat veird?"
"I'm Sailor Nigel Powers, and I got a Viagra stuck in my throat. I've had a stiff neck for hours..."
"I am Sairar Fook-Me, and this is my twin sister, Sairar Fook-Yu. Can we have your autograph, Austeen-a Powerz-san?"
Whew!
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